Never Grow Up.

Nothing I ever do seems to be enough. Well me and my bestfriend Madison made up because my mom read my last post. I think she only forgave me because she was kinda forced. I’m in pain without being the way we use to be. Kylene and Madison don’t have time for me anymore. I’m trying my hardest to be back in their life and they are only pushing me out. I think I’m go pyscho. I need a therapist or something to help me cope. Also I’m stressed beyond max because of exams. I need to bring my grades up. The school I switch to is way hard than last year. Switching me schools was the worst idea my “parents” could have ever done. I go to school with rich brats. It’s a hard to change to make and I’m not willing to except it. WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO??? End it?

So last night my family got into a huge argument. It was basically because my brother was being selfish and didn’t want to drive 15 minutes out of the way to take me somewhere. My mom was furious. We use to have to wait on him 45 minutes to an hour after football and he can’t drive me 15 minutes? Its all because of his fucking girlfriend. Yeah she’s nice and all but she has him so whipped. He does what she wants, when she wants. It’s so dumb. My brother is the “good” child compared to me and my sister. He always has an attitude, he thinks he is our third parent, he is a snobby little brat. I sometime wish you mom wouldn’t have gotten married so I didn’t have to change schools or we could be closer. I mean I love my new family but….ya know? I had to change schools and now I go to school with snobby rich brats. I mean yeah my friends are great but I miss my old
Life better….but God has a plan.

ya might not care much to hear me rant but i need to get things off my mind. So me and my closet 2 bestfriends had a huge fight and i was confused about things. I might have said we shouldn’t be friends. I soon regretted ever saying that. They were like my sisters. Actually they were minus being related in any way. My mom was being a bitch and kinda got involved a little and she can be really immature. Its been about 2 months  since i have like spoken to them. I miss them like crazy. i’m dying without them. I try and text them on a daily bases to let them know i’m sorry. I found out today kylene’s grandpa hurt himself and probably was not going to make it. I texted her to let her know i was there for her. About 10 minutes later i called her…… SHE ANSWERED!!!!!! i was scared. i let her know i am there for her and God has a plan for everything. Before we got off the phone, she let me know i can always talk to her and she will always be there for me no matter what.. but one other thing she said was we could never be as close as we were before because my fucking mom got involved. it crushed me. i miss her a lot and it crazy. I’m trying to reach out to madison i also miss her daily. i want her back in my life. With her and kylene my life was never boring. Our friendship sounds like a relationship. I basically told my 2 sisters i didn’t want them apart of my family. What was i thinking?? i have a little of a temper when i get mad, they know. They kept asking me why? why can’t we be friends.. they were confused on where i was coming from. And i thought i new exactly where i was coming from. i didnt though. i was crazy, making crazy decisions. we have these girls are school who are depressed. me and my group of friends didn’t really understand why? we kinda thought they were crazy. we judge them really bad. But now i understand where they are coming from. They have problems in their life and i do now also. i know this is going  to make me extremely upset everyday. i am not sure i will be able to “handle” it. i fear taking my life that God wouldn’t accept me. but maybe because i am a christian no matter what he will except me and understand that life is tough and maybe i am ready to be with him.. i don’t know who to talk to or who to turn to. my new friends don’t understand and my two closet friends are gone. i just need answers before i go crazy and lose it.